How to Be More Social: A Coach’s Guide to Building Confidence

You’re standing alone at a networking event, coffee in hand, scanning the room for a familiar face—and feeling a rising wave of self-doubt. You want to connect, but your feet won’t move, the words don’t come. Sound familiar?

For many of us, social situations can be daunting. Not because of a lack of desire to connect, but because of deep-seated fears and uncertainties.

Whatever lies at the heart of your social unease—shyness, social anxiety, introversion or a combination of all three—know this: social confidence isn’t about being the life of the party. It’s about engaging authentically and meaningfully with others. Because at a fundamental level, humans are wired for connection—not just any connection, but the kind where we can show up fully and feel truly seen.

As coaches, we see how people can gradually develop stronger social skills and confidence when given intentional support and structured opportunities to practice. 

Here’s a step-by-step guide rooted in coaching strategies to help you overcome social discomfort and build lasting social confidence.

i. What’s Behind Social Struggles?

Many forms of social inhibition stem from a fear of judgment or rejection. These can show up as overthinking conversations, avoiding interactions, or feeling drained after social events. The truth is, discomfort in social settings is a deeply human experience—and one that’s far more common than people often admit.

The coaching journey begins by clarifying what you’re working to overcome. Shyness, social anxiety, and introversion are often lumped together but have distinct meanings:

• Shyness is a personality trait that involves feeling timid or reserved around others.
• Social anxiety is a diagnosable mental health condition characterized by intense fear of criticism, rejection, or humiliation.
• Introversion, meanwhile, can be boiled down to energy: introverts may enjoy socializing but their brains need solitude to recharge.

Someone with social anxiety might avoid eye contact or social events out of overwhelming fear. A shy person may feel awkward but not incapacitated. And an introvert might enjoy deep conversation but skip loud parties altogether. Understanding where you fall on this spectrum shapes your growth path—and helps determine whether self-help, coaching, or professional therapy is the right fit. 

Note: Although coaching can be a valuable support for building social confidence, it is not a substitute for therapy or medical treatment. If you are experiencing clinical social anxiety or other mental health conditions, consider seeking professional help.

ii. Understand What’s Happening for You

Before you can grow, you need to know where you’re starting from. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of coaching, and it’s essential in learning how to be more social.

Try this: journal about recent social situations. What went well? What didn’t? When did you feel most like yourself? What triggered discomfort?

Notice your physical cues in social settings: heart rate, body temperature, eye contact, posture. Pay attention to your self-talk. What messages are you sending yourself?

These reflections will help you get to the bottom of what’s going on for you in social situations and give your coach helpful insights to work with. You might discover that large groups feel overwhelming, but one-on-one conversations energize you. Or perhaps you thrive when talking about topics you care about but struggle with small talk.

A coach will help you interpret these patterns and tailor strategies to your unique needs and strengths as you learn how to be more social. As one coaching prompt goes: “What parts of you come alive in connection with others?”

iii. Set Social Goals

Change is accomplished through small, consistent steps. One key coaching strategy is to set micro-goals that stretch you slightly beyond your comfort zone.

Using the example of the networking event at the start, challenge yourself with a simple objective, such as:

“I’ll introduce myself to two people.”

“I’ll stay for 30 minutes and see how I feel.”

“I’ll initiate one conversation and then take a breather.”

Tips for getting into conversation:

• Arrive Early (or on Time)
  Showing up early gives you the chance to settle in before the room is crowded. You’re more likely to find others who are also arriving solo and open to casual conversation.
  
• Make Eye Contact and Smile
  Even if you don’t start speaking right away, making eye contact, nodding, or offering a warm smile helps you ease into presence and makes you more approachable to others.
  
• Give a Compliment or Comment
  Start a low-pressure exchange by complimenting someone’s bag, shoes, or noting something you have in common (“That coffee looks like a lifesaver—same here!”). These comments open the door to natural conversation.
  
• Prepare 1–2 Go-To Questions
  Have a couple of open-ended questions in your back pocket, such as: “What brings you to this event?” or “Are you local?” This reduces the pressure to come up with something on the spot.

• Find Someone Standing Alone
  People who are on their own are often looking for someone to talk to, too. Approaching them can feel more natural and less intimidating than joining a group.

• Exit Conversations Gracefully
  Knowing how to wrap up a chat can reduce anxiety about getting “stuck.” Try:
  “It was so great chatting with you, I’m going to grab a drink / say hello to someone else, but hope to cross paths again!”
  

As you can see, preparation can go a long way towards reducing anxiety and increasing presence. On top of prepping some conversation openers and exits, learn all you can about the event, people attending, and possible topics.

iv. Practice, Practice, Practice

The more you socialize, the easier it becomes. With each interaction, you build muscle memory and your confidence in social settings grows. Consider getting practice by:

• Attending meetups or groups around shared interests.
  
• Rehearsing conversations or greetings with a coach in a role-play format.
  
• Joining peer coaching groups or discussion circles to experiment in safe settings.
  
• Visiting a local market, café, or bookstore regularly and getting to know the staff or vendors.
  
• Using voice messages instead of text when chatting with friends or coworkers—they add warmth and build verbal confidence.
  

Coaches can help you analyze what worked, what didn’t, and what to try next, turning every interaction into a learning opportunity on your journey toward greater confidence in social settings.

v. Listen and Be Curious

One of the biggest mindset shifts? You don’t have to be interesting—you just have to be interested.

People are drawn to those who listen well. When you’re speaking to someone, pay full attention to what they are saying. Make a point of observing their facial expression, tone of voice, and body posture. Practice reflective listening by paraphrasing what you hear.

Ask open-ended questions like, “What brought you to this field?” or “What do you love most about your work?”

Coaches model this in every session. The more you experience deep listening, the more naturally it will become part of your own communication toolkit.

vi. Welcome Setbacks

Let’s be honest: not every conversation will go smoothly. You’ll say the wrong thing, misread cues, or feel awkward. But that’s part of the process.

One powerful coaching strategy is reframing mistakes as learning opportunities. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, ask:
What did I learn about myself?
What would I try differently next time?
What small win can I celebrate here?

Resilience is built by normalizing imperfection. The most socially confident people aren’t flawless, they’re just less afraid of falling flat.

Conclusion: No Risks, No Rewards

Becoming more social isn’t about performing for others or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about reconnecting with your natural ability to relate, empathize, and express yourself. And you don’t have to do it alone. A coach can walk alongside you, helping you build confidence in social settings step by step. That confidence won’t just make conversations easier—it can expand your world with new experiences, perspectives, and genuine relationships.

Take the leap—start the conversation: a CoachHub coach can support you in building confidence step by step, helping you practice new strategies in a safe and encouraging environment. Get in touch today to begin your journey!